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6 Steps To Overcoming Resistance

11 August

“Be careful of whatever within you that attempts to throw up the lie, to justify not changing for the better, giving all the reasons why you should not choose for the better. Dare to change for the better. Find the courage, find your freedom, find your willingness, and keep your focus on the blessings, which is the greater good available to choose now.”

- John Morton
(From: You Are the Blessings, p. 234)

What John Morton describes in this passage is sometimes called “resistance” in the coaching world. Indeed it takes courage, positive focus and willingness to move beyond it and into your own freedom and creativity.

Here are my 6 simple but powerful steps to overcoming resistance:

1. Notice
Notice resistance is present. This can be difficult to do because resistance likes to hide under excuses, justifications and denial. Practice noticing when resistance is present. Don’t judge it, just notice it.

2. Explore
Explore it, acknowledge it, allow it to reveal to you your fears, worries, doubts and inadequacies. You might ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?” This step doesn’t seem particularly fun, but draw upon your courage and remember: “The best way out is always through.” (-Robert Frost)

3. Forgive
Forgive any judgments against yourself or others. “I forgive myself for judging myself for/as…” Continue saying these statements until there is a noticeable shift in your attitude. When true compassion for all involved in the situation is present, that is a sign that you have forgiven.

4. Blessings
Discover your silver lining. There is always something precious just beyond resistance and self-judgment. What is the blessing? A talent you have not yet explored? Something you want but have denied yourself? An opportunity to be more kind, more accepting, more honest? What have you learned? That may be your blessing.

5. Action
Choose and take one tiny baby microscopic action step towards strengthening the blessing you identified in Step 4. Make it small; make it something you can easily have success with. In this step, you commit to yourself. Demonstrate the value you have gained from moving past the resistance.

6. Appreciate
Appreciate yourself for having the courage to look, to forgive, and to take action. You are well on your way to becoming your own master coach.

What tools do you use to overcome resistance, procrastination, avoidance, denial, or inaction? Please leave a comment below, or email me your ideas. I would love to discuss them with you.

The Next Time You Make A Mistake

30 July

Here’s a great approach to handling mistakes:

Have you ever sent the right email to the wrong person? I know I’m not the only person who’s ever clicked send only to realize a second later, oops! And all those embarrassing, worrisome and anxious feelings that often follow this mistake have the potential to put me into a tail spin and ruin an otherwise good day.

What is it about human nature that makes it easier to dwell on the one thing we did wrong rather than on everything else we did right?

Mistakes are what they are. They happen. Feeling badly about them is only an opinion based on a limited perspective. That’s because ‘beat myself up’ thoughts and emotions like guilt, worry and “I can’t do anything right!” trigger a cascade of physiological responses that not only wear us down, but prevent us from thinking clearly or seeing the situation any other way. We literally can’t remember all we do right.

Don’t let yourself get caught in this vicious cycle. Next time you make a mistake, get neutral first: Heart focus. Heart breathing. This will help stop any nonproductive, negative thought loops and the resulting emotional drain. Then, remember what it is you do well and appreciate all the times you don’t make mistakes. From this coherent state, ask yourself what would be a more efficient or effective response or action. If the mistake needs corrective action, you’ll maximize your ability to make the best decision about what to do.

And get back to the business of the day with better focus and more energy.

Reprinted by permission, HeartMath, LLC 2010.

Recap On What To Do:

  • Focus on your heart (literally the area in the center of your chest)
  • Focus on your breathing
  • Recall and appreciate yourself for all the things you’ve done well
  • Look at this situation again from a more neutral loving state
  • Now you are ready to identify and take any corrective action

Smart People On Mistakes:

“A man’s errors are his portals of discovery.” -James Joyce

“We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets.” -Marilyn Monroe

“Accept your mistakes, accept your actions, accept every situation as a learning experience and as a stepping-stone.  As you accept yourself and your own expression, you are really on your way. ” -John-Roger